an overwhelming pain from sadness just over came me... it hurts ... really bad... i do not know why... something just felt wrong... was it something i did in the past... or was it something i did not do in the past... i cannot tell... something just felt not right somewhere... i feel very messed up right now... i am judging myself... according to my improper scale of right and wrong... i am feeling just not right... who am i truely... i cannot judge... i cannot see... my path is unclear to me... i can hear this in my mind... my purpose sapped, my will defined ... what possess me ... to write what you have suffered ... give me time i will make it clear ... given time you will understand ... to the darken sky once more... and ever onwards ... i am in this mood because of scorn ... i am in the mood for total war ... <-- parts of the song call dark angel... it is ringing ... again n again ... in my head... i feel just so messed up... i feel weak ... i feel sick... i feel everything i do is just so wrong... i try to help ... i am ... trying my best... it just hurts alot ... i cannot control myself ... it just hurts really bad... i have forgotton many things ... things that are important...i seem to have lost something that is truely important to me... i know someone who knows what i am missing... tat person may not know... untill tat person reads this... i can onli hope tats all... be dun surprised if u see me slim down... cuz i will have to ... sooner or later... sigh...

here is some thing cool i just saw...

i may change ... but my will may not ... weak may it be ... but in time ... it will prove useful ... belief is powerful ... believe in it and it will bring a miracle ... my faith is powerful ... faith of the faithless ... the faith of those whose eyes are covered ... i will let it happen ... to me tat is ...let it archieve its full potential ... the bibles ... the sutras ... the scriptures ... all the things of the faithful ... i see them... i hear them ... all calling to me...i do not want to be attached ... to things beyond life ... my control is not true control ... that control belongs to the giving one ... the god a pharoh found ... that is too advance beyond our time ... even now ... i seek a god beyond now ... a time which will not be here for years ... if not generations to come ... my eyes are set for the future ... one i will not see coming in my time to come ... just like the pharoh ... wat i will do ... (tat is if i do really do it) ... will fail like his ... for the world has not yet reach the stage to archieve that kind of glory ...

i will ... in time ... prove it ... but now ... it is a time of testing ... pushing of limits ... i am doing it ... the limit of human kind ... starting from the ppl around me ... i will falter ... in time to come ... i may not be who i am now ... sinister am i now ... i hope ... just hope ... i will not go wayward ... in my quest of doing so...

beginning

just picked it up ... for a change ... i will be different from now on ... changing from my past ... ignoring from my past ... ask me not of my past ... i do not value my past ... care for my future ... i will work it out ... some how ... ask not why ... it is painful enough already ... my past has passed ... ritualistic am i going to be ... just to be as much normal as i can ... the shadow will lead ... i will let it do so ... not tat i want it ... just tat i need it ... control is something i learned not ... trying my best to not continue my mistakes ... i will stop ... i will give up ... do not forsake me ... forsaken should i be ... forsake me may it happen ... its your choice ... i will be gone when it happens from all ...